Dating: dysfunctional imbalance

I remember being a 17 year-old young man, testing the waters with potential women I could date, trying to find someone who would make me feel better about my life.

I also remember being in a healthy relationship, and how much it revealed about my dysfunctional social behaviors.

now 29 I can honestly say, I don't seek anyone. I am content with myself and have come to grips with the fact: I would rather be alone than in something emotionally draining or dealing with someone else's insecurities.

This was no easy task. Obtaining this point of view took going through a lot of reflection and soul searching over the last five years.

I, like most people, was only searching for something to fill the void in my life, instead of understanding the void and repairing it.

You have seen it.

A woman who lives and dies by the bar. She loves her life when she is out with her friends but hates being home alone, so she scours the bars every weekend (sometimes during the week day) and finally finds a man to lean on. Unfortunately people can be like leeches, searching for someone they can live off of; emotionally, physically, financially or whatever be the dilemma.

So we see this with our friends and family members way too much. They search for someone, anyone, they can exercise their relationship behaviors with and often end up with someone who beats the, or abuses them in other ways, stealing the joy from their life. Unfortunately it happens to them over and over, leaving them asking.. Why Me?

The fact of the matter is, you can only attract what you are giving out. If you constantly look outward to find happiness, you will only find super-fiscal short term happiness.

I understand now that the only way to find that person who balances you out, is to be comfortable with yourself, and also honest with yourself.

I laugh when I think about the women who say, "I want a tall, handsome, rich, funny guy with a good job, family and a nice car." She has instantly set herself up to lose. Yes it is good to have standards, but this guy number one is not real, it ignores all the other aspects that a woman needs to have; compassion, patience, integrity, honesty and so forth. so typically she will find someone who meets most of these requirements, but lacking several areas she didn't think about necessary in a husband, eventually resulting in a divorce or a dysfunctional relationship.

Search yourself, understand your strengths and weaknesses. Know you value and be realistic with yourself. Shoot for something that will make you happy not overshooting for something that is bound to fail.

I have had the pleasure to be with lots of smart women, who made me examine my own behaviors more. although they didn't last, I understand better now that anything worth lasting is not easy, and takes patience and commitment.

As men we need to stop trying to be the dominant party in a relationship and share a 50/50 stances in all aspects, be it holding a conversation, choosing dinner, finances, making decisions or putting blame on each other. We need each other to help balance out the places we are weak.

Search for an equal instead of a crutch to support yourself, in order to do that, you must first clean up yourself to find that person.

my 2 cents

Mixtape Report

Sp Double – LHRII (The Prequel)

SP Double follows up his release Loyalty Honor Respect quickly with LHRII (The Prequel). SP still hits with the same tenacity and vivacious rhymes, yet still delivers introspective joints like “Starlight,” where he speaks about his new positive ambitions for the New Year while using President Obama’s audio clips regarding hip-hop as a backdrop. The production is handled by Sp himself along with C. Ray and Focus, as SP makes bold declarations against anyone disrupting unity in the local music scene on songs like “Weather Change” and, “The Mission Statement.”



Qknox - Qknox

The wonderfully skilled pianist and production specialist Qknox drops a self-titled gem filled with ear pleasing unique-samples, quirky ambient sounds, and overall interesting tracks. The project is mostly instrumentals but does have a couple songs with accapellas laid over his unique abstract production, like “The Beginning” that features Mystikal and Krayzie Bone, or “Rockstar” that has Danny Brown. Qknox has perfected blending different types of music together, be it strange guitar leads over eclectic drum patterns or classical style piano riffs over soft synthesizers, that is ear candy delivering a superb listening experience.




Aurora Borelius – Jomeezius the Genius

The enigmatic persona Jomeezius the Genius drops a delightful palate of instrumental goodies for his fans in Aurora Borelius. Never failing to surprise, Jomeezius mixes odd samples, blitzing drumlines, machine gun like snare hits and infectious leads leave an overall tone of a meticulously orchestrated production. One of the brilliant tracks, “Shunned” features a soft harp riff over a lightly tapped snare before being joined by a scratchy rhythmic lead that quickly draws your attention. The project showcases Jomeezius’s ability to harness a variation of diverse sounds yet still delivering street worthy anthems MCs will be clamoring to bless with rhymes.



Cheff Premier – Instrumentals with Hooks

Hypnautic, King Tef, Black Pegasus and Johnny Rocketz, aka the Council are backed from their in house producer Cheff Premier, who delightfully cooks up radio palatable production for them to showcase. Cheff’s aim is clear and focused; he is trying to eat off the hard work he puts in his production. Therefore his instrumentals are radio friendly, delivering high quality trap like the aptly named “Trap Shit,” or “Murda,” or R&B with “Heartbreak” or even hip-hop sample driven “Love You,” Cheff shows his versatility within the confines mainstream sounds and an overall theme.

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Powered by DatPiff.com

Down South Hustlers 2013

Master P became a hip-hop mogul by selling millions of copies of compilation albums like the original Down South Hustlers in the mid ‘90s, along with a slew of artists and his own albums. It’s been eight years since his last release, and since then there has been the rise of the mixtape circuit. So fittingly, the businessman, actor, and self-made entrepreneur returns his highly successful franchise back with a version for 2013. Hosted by DJ Ernest GQ, Master P buries old feuds with Cash Money Records, who has several tracks on the project and builds new relationships with Trill Entertainment with appearances from Mystikal, Lil Wayne, Mack Maine, Turk and many more.



Raekwon - Lost Jewelry

The Chef of Wu-Tang releases a 12 track mixtape to suffice those Wu lovers until his next album. With production from Scram Jones, Buckwild and Statik Selektah Rae drops his signature style and stories. The project lacks the usual kung-fu movie samples and intros, but the project is consistent from track to track with memorable songs like “New Day” featuring Freddie Gibbs, or the melodic Faith Evans assisted “Hold You Down.” This mixtape could have been an album and easily outshines his last mixtape Unexpected Victory.

Consquence Movies on Demand 4

The one time G.O.O.D. music signee hasn’t let the falling out with the label stop him, as he has remained relevant through his mixtape work. The fourth installment of Movies on Demand adds to the momentum he is trying to regain. From the intro this project is soulful, sample heavy and is lathered with confidence keeping the attention of the listener as Cons rhymes, “somebody tell Floyd I deserve a title shot/ I got the hood on my back I need Icy hot,” on the opening track “Dearly Beloved.” With assistance from Raheem DeVaughn, Estelle and Busta Rhymes is sure to keep Consquence relevant for some-time longer.

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Powered by DatPiff.com

The Other Sweet Science

Never show up to an event an hour and a half late and expect to catch a good spot to shoot photos, but that's exactly what I did Thursday night for the 686 Charity Boxing event. Considering the extreme amount of pain I was in, I couldn't push my way to the front of the crowd for fear of being trampled, but I did catch 100 photos. At first I tried keeping my iso low, to about 400, but I have never shot at a set iso as low as 200 so it was very difficult. Like a boxer under pressure I resorted to the what I know best, eventually turning up my iso to 1000, but I tried to remember the formula Ken Visio gave us and tried to shoot all these photos at 45mm, with a 1/40-1/60 SS on manual.

The photos are something like a young boxer feeling his first time out in the ring, ruff, raw and left a little blurry. Photography is a sweet science, sometimes you get thrown a left hook in the middle of the ring (environment) and your reaction shows more about who you are than anything, can you adapt? will you be able to recover from an unexpected blow?

So I kept adjusting my SS, with imaging getting clearer, but losing some of the light, maybe something a LED attached light could have helped with? I usually perform better under pressure, but in this instance considering my weak physical state, I decided to throw in the towel for the night and try my luck on another occasion. However I did see a correlation between my shutter speed and my proximity to the subjects I was shooting. I could have went in closer with my zoom to 55mm, but I wanted to crop with my legs, unfortunately with a packed house and me not showing up early, I was punched in the face with straight reality; show up early to get a good spot and prepare your light measurements before the action starts. Until next time, Ontoneyo.

P.S. Gross moment of the night, after the second match, a bloody towel was thrown into the crowd and a observer stuck it in his mouth and shook it like a dog with a bone. To the amusement and disgust of the "referee," who looked like he was going to puke until a square glasses wearing young hot hipster offered him some champagne, or as hipsters call it, PBR. Fun night considering all the elements and long day I had previous to. Moral of the story; Stay healthy and be prepared.